God has His reasons...

well i'm still in texas and lovin the heat...We were supposed to leave today, but we had a lil accident with the truck, and so we have to get that all fixed and stuff before we can drive back. Thankfully no one was hurt, and Joshijah wasn't with us. It's been a little crazy just trying to get everything sorted out, but even in the middle of all this, there is still so much to be thankful for.

God's been really working out some stuff in my heart lately too. I had a night a while back where I laid everything down before Him, and told Him to take control...and as much as that is the true desire of my heart, I have still put walls up against Him moving in my life. It really has been just recently that I have realized how holding on to my past, and certain things in my life really effects the intimacy of my relationship with Him. Jesus offers complete restoration, and freedom that nothing can compare to...yet I still hold on to things that are of my self, and I hold back in my faith. I know that God has been reaching out to me, and I know that His Spirit wants to move in me, and the only reason nothing has happened in the last little while, is only fault of my own.

Last night, we had a service at the Little's church, and Jer preached about REALLY living for God's purpose, living the true Christian life, laying down our lives, taking on, and acting on the burden that Christ has for a dying people. I have heard him preach this sermon before, but something stirred inside my spirit last night, and I was completely convicted. I got on my knees and poured my heart out to God, repenting for holding Him at a distance, and asking Him to break the hold of things in my life. Jer and Mel prayed for me too, and I really know that God touched me. I know that there have already been answers to prayer, even this morning, and the Holy Spirit has been moving in me. I feel a deeper desire to get all of God I can get, and an urge to share His love and salvation with anyone and everyone!

It's funny how we ask things in prayer, and there is an expectancy in our hearts for an answer, but there is also an expectancy in our heads as to what we think should be the answer. But God always has His plan, and His way of doing things...and after today, I truly believe that even when things seem all over the place, and there is a feeling of loss, He comes in and uses these things to show us His will. Usually it is the COMPLETE opposite of what we expect Him to do, but it always turns out better than we could ever imagine. I read a quote from Joni Erickson that said, "God has his reasons. He has His purposes. Ours in an intentional God, brimming over with motive and mission, He never does things capriciously or decides with the flip of a coin." and reading that, made me realize even more, everything God has been doing in my life. All of my circumstance, all of my situations, whether good or bad, He has been using, and working, quietly and patiently, changing my heart, teaching me, and pouring out His love to restore me.

Today, I realized that a friendship I had was causing someone else pain...and I had to lay that friendship down, because I was in the wrong, and was only looking out for myself. It really hurt, and I have had some trouble with it, but I realize that God is sovereign in my life, and even in this situation, He is teaching me and drawing me closer to Him. Its amazing work He is doing in my life.

I have really started to get a new perspective on the awesomeness of God! I can't even really begin to find the words to explain. I know that He is working on me, and that all I need to do is focus on Him, and raising up His name, and He will do whatever He needs to do in the process.

So be encouraged! Whatever God starts, He finishes! (Philippians 1:6)

God may not pull us out of difficult times, and He may not do things the way we think He should, but He knows what He's doing, and He promises His strength and grace to get take us through. In the end, we will look back and see where we've come, and truly give Him all the glory.