so...it's our last week here, and we have been surprised with a MASSO blessing...our leaders have taken us to a hotel for a week of debriefing and chillin out before we go home. i'm really excited, and SO thankful...

but man...there's been stuff going on here that has taught me some pretty important lessons.

one thing that i have been reminded about is how we really are in a battle. it is so important for us as Christians to constantly be aware of that, and to really use our sword, and put on the armor He gives us for the battle. we need to be able to stand against the enemy...(Ephesians 6:10-18)

i have realized how easy it is to lose focus, and get off track when we don't take everything to the Lord on a daily basis. i am learning a new aspect of intimacy...not only does intimacy with Him give us deeper understanding of His heart, but it keeps us in check. it really does. i have received new understanding of how the Lord disciplines His children, and that when He does, it's not to condemn us, or to push us away from Him. it's to get us back on track, and bring us into better relationship with Him. i have experienced this in true form over the last day or so, and i am SO thankful that God loves me enough to teach me these lessons. i have a new understanding and fear of Him...and new revelation of the fact that the fear of the Lord results in knowledge and wisdom (Proverbs 1:7) i also see how much it hurts when we are outside of His will...

over the last three weeks or so, i have been in a state of regression. it all sort of started with me having a tough couple of days...as we all do. instead of relying on the Lord for my strength and renewal...i decided to let negativity be my goal, and i mumbled, grumbled and complained...not only did i do that to the people around me, but i was foolish enough to post it online for others to see...and i was so absorbed with MY SELF that i didn't realize the effects my words would have on not only me, but those around me, and even those back home and on the base...i have brought big disappointment to quite a few people just because i was immature and shot my mouth off...

words have SO MUCH power. and IDEAS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. even though i have been taught that through my lecture phase, i don't think i really LEARNED it until now. i have the choice to speak life or death into any situation, and my words don't only affect my perspective, but it affects the views of others, and my relationship with them...

above all else, i have realized how easy it is to fall into a place where i cannot be used by the Lord for His ultimate purposes...and i am so ashamed that i have taken my place out of the Lords will...especially because i am only here for a certain time. i truly understand the importance of walking in radical obedience. seizing every opportunity. i understand how important it is to really rely on the Lord for EVERYTHING...and go to Him instead of venting to others, and allowing things to get out of hand.

i even noticed that once i started to take my focus off the Lord, it was harder for me to spend time with Him. i went from a place of LOVING every minute i could get with Him, to not even being able to read my bible the way i used to. i was SO out of it...and it's sad to think about the time i wasted, and what the Lord could have actually done if i had of stayed in that place of intimacy with Him...

it's so awesome to see how God can really turn things around in an instant though. satan had to chip away at me over a period of a few weeks, but now that i have repented, the Lord has started to work in such HUGE ways. He really is faithful, and i am blown away by His grace and mercy. i am just SO thankful He is who He is.

i am so thankful that i have friends and leaders that are honest and willing to hold me accountable. that is such an important thing. a few people confronted the situation, and it immediately brought conviction. i was quick to repent, but i know that there are still consequences to everything...if those people hadn't have said anything, i really do not know where things would have ended up after outreach. satan was taking things and running with them. he had me so wrapped up in my self and MY will, that i was oblivious to his schemes, and how far i was getting from God's will.

i am so thankful that the Holy Spirit is quick to act as soon as we allow Him. He has already started to restore things; He is dealing with my heart issues, and drawing me closer to Him. i have such new understanding, and i feel like the Lord has taken this situation and is teaching me, and drawing me more out of my self, and into His character. man. it's such a process though, especially when i'm such an idiot. thankfully...THANKFULLY He is so patient and He takes me back just as i am. but He has done so much more than i could ever ask or imagine...so. yeah. that's where i'm at.

of course God's timing is perfect, and i now have a week to really reflect on things, and get back to where i should be. i'm really looking forward to just spending time with Jesus...sitting at His feet....you know. i love Him.

k well...i'm back in maui in 5 days. wow. time has FLOWN! so i'll try and post more stuff then...pics and stuff.love and hugs to all of you. again, thankyou for all your prayers and support...i wouldn't be here without it...and God has done INCREDIBLE because of them.

my new verse for memory...
Do everything without grumbling or arguing. Then you will be the pure and innocent children of God. You live among people who are crooked and evil, but you must not do anything that they can say is wrong. Try to shine as lights among the people of this world... Philippians 2:14-15

talk to you soon!
jes